My blog is usually a happy, picture-filled snapshot of our life but it also serves as our family story. So, as tacky as it may seem...I think it'll help me get through this by telling this not-so-happy part of our story too. (I'm writing this one month later)
The morning of September 8th, our wonderful mother Carol, suffered from a ruptured aneurysm while vacuuming before going to work. Just living her life...minding her own business...taking care of her family like she had always done. Her husband Gale rushed her to the Plains Hospital and then she was life-flighted to Kalispell. By the time the rest of us arrived in Kalispell they had completed a second cat scan and it was determined that they could not operate on the aneurysm. The neurosurgeon said that it wouldn't have mattered if she was standing right next to him when it happened, it was the size and the location of it that prohibited them from being able to successfully operate. In addition, she had an identical one on the opposite side that would likely rupture if they tried. So fortunately/unfortunately there was no decision to be made...she would never regain consciousness, they would keep her comfortable and we would just wait for the inevitable.
The following 18 hours were trying...but it was enough time for us to run through a gamut of emotions with her still there physically: shock, realization, self pity, sadness, thankfulness, overwhelming appreciation and finally relief. Her work was done. It was hard to witness but I wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else. I saw how strong my siblings are. Nobody left. We were all scared. Didn't know what to expect, how to act or what questions to ask. But we didn't care...we didn't want her to be alone. Mom's older sister, our Aunt Shelia was there for every minute too. She was our rock and having been a nurse for 35 years, helped us with some of the unknowns. Without her calmness and know-how, the experience would have been drastically different. And that's one of those favors you can never repay...
Millions of people have a similar story: someone important that left them too soon so it's hard to feel sorry for yourself...but you still do. One thing that stuck with me when the surgeon was explaining what had happened medically, was that she had likely had the aneurysms for 10 or 20 years, they just hadn't caused any problems. So that's when the thankfulness hit like a ton of bricks: we were happy we had her for as long as we did. 20 years ago I was just entering High School and she was my biggest fan and confidant...15 years ago I was in college, selfishly living my own life; but after a phone call or a 4 hour drive, could quickly return to the comforts of home...10 years ago her and I were planning the final details of Theron and I's wedding...5 years ago we had three young kids and I was more tired than I could imagine most days...a phone call or a visit to Mom is what got me through. So yes, I'm overly sad that she won't be here for the next 20 years of milestones but she was here long enough to teach me about life. As a Mom, she gave me the tools I need to be as important to my kids as she was to my siblings and I. I'm so grateful.
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If you follow this blog, every post until now is full of pictures and sarcastic comments about our crazy chaotic life with the kids. That will not change. But...I feel as if you'll see more references/stories of my Mom as I hang onto those memories and ensure that our kids remember her, even though they're young.
She LOVED this blog and that's the main reason why I vow to continue it the best I can. The start of many of our conversations was: "when are you going to put up new pictures? I'm tired of looking at the same ones" even though I'd updated it the week prior. And the proofreader in her would always force her to comment on my spelling or punctuation ~ I promise, that will never improve!
She LOVED this blog and that's the main reason why I vow to continue it the best I can. The start of many of our conversations was: "when are you going to put up new pictures? I'm tired of looking at the same ones" even though I'd updated it the week prior. And the proofreader in her would always force her to comment on my spelling or punctuation ~ I promise, that will never improve!
I love you all...all of you that care about our family and our well being, helped, offered to help, sent cards, letters, thoughts, prayers,...everything through all of this. The list of thank you's is too long to keep, thankfully!
